**Update**

It's amazing what exercise (and realizing that it is PMS making you grouchy) can do for your mood. I walked 1 1/2 miles with my son in a half hour. Did 30 reps with a 25 lb barbell (I know, but it is a start), 30 crunches, and 30 squats.

My son is my hero. He is a very athletic 13 year-old, he's been playing football for 5 years, and wrestling for 2. I asked him today to help me with this whole exercise thing, and he was more than willing. He walked with me, and even held my hand at times. Literally, held my hand. My boy is awesome.

This is not at all on my schedule for today, but I am felling really down lately. It must be the weather because I am normally a pretty happy peron (the Zoloft doesn't hurt either).

I found out what my biggest issue is, I procrastinate so much. However, I procrastinate because I do not know where to start. I am overwhelmed. Therefore, I created a schedule for myself today. Seeing it in writing will help me to stay on track with classes, work-outs, home, family. I also think that deep down I have a fear of failure. I often start projects and do not finish them. This is also a big issue for me.

And the voices. Sometimes I hear my Mom criticizing me. Other times, a word, phrase, or song lyric will become stcuk in my head. Fortunately, I can still focus on what I am doing it's just...there. I don't know. Weird.

"Are you sure you should be eating that"? 

"I don't love you". 

"If your father loved you he would not have left".

 "If your father loved you he would pay child support".

 "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lose some weight". 

"You're sister got the looks, you're brother got the charm, you got nothing".

 "You're lazy".

 "Your father is a liar".

 "You're just like your father".

"You have big lips, don't wear bright lipstick shades"

"You're father doesn't want you"

Ahhh, the loving words of my mother. There are more, but these are the ones that come to mind easily. This was my childhood.

When I was 11 my mother took me to the Dr. about my weight. I weighed 95 lbs, and was VERY athletic. The Dr. told me not to go over 100 lbs. Seriously? There is a chance I will post a photo of me at that age, but I am trying to keep this anonymous...for now anyway.